Broken heart syndrome is real.
The fact that it exists, points to the reality of a love that is perfect, that is whole, that is unfailing, and that never disappoints.
Think about it…
There would be no such thing as broken heart syndrome if we all would simply expect mediocre and disappointing love.
But we don’t. Why don’t we?
Our very being yearns for a love that is beyond this world. We’ve been wired to crave the perfect love of God, both to give and to receive it. This is why both the heartbreaker and the broken-hearted experience broken heart syndrome.
As an ex-heartbreaker, I can attest to experiencing heartbreak as a result of causing hurt to people who deserve God’s perfect love. I primarily caused this pain to young women that I dated. I did this by making elaborate promises about my intentions for dating. Though I would articulate plans of marrying them in the future, I had not the slightest clue what such a commitment entailed. And if I’m honest, my primary focus was telling these women what they needed to hear to provide me the attention and affection I so badly desired at the time. By showering God’s daughters with empty promises, I caused these women to experience heartbreak by leading them on, only to return their investment of time and energy with an announcement of a breakup, when I was no longer interested in them.
For many years, however, I was blind to the pain I caused. Was I blind because I lived in a society that glorified toxic manhood? Was I blind because of childhood parental neglect? Was I blind as a result of being a victim of childhood sexual abuse? Ultimately, I was blind because I was carrying the burden of a broken heart and could only express a bootleg version of love. Ignorant of my own hurt, I was a walking testament of the saying, “hurt people hurt people,” without knowing it.
As God began to soften my heart, I became more aware of the heartbreak I caused His daughters. And with this awareness, came a deep heartbreak for my failure to love the way I knew I should. But where could I go to obtain this love?
This love comes only from the Father.
Tauren Wells, beautifully describes our experience in his song, Known, stating that we are “fully known and fully loved by [God].”
Nothing about us surprises God; not our character, our thoughts, our words, or our actions, whether past, present, or future. He knows everything there is to know about us, and chooses to love us still.
The Bible puts it this way, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
He did not place a condition of change on His love. Rather, His love provides us the needed condition for the change God desires to see in us. For this reason, I believe that we experience broken heart syndrome as a result of failing to receive God’s perfect love for us.
Now hold up!
This is not a license to beat yourself up every time you break someone’s heart or feel broken-hearted. Rather, these are signs that God still desires to pull you into deeper waters of His infinite love for you. These are clues that God desires that as you encounter and receive His perfect love, you would love Him, yourself, and others with that love.
Again, this does guarantee a life of no heartbreak…
Instead, it ensures that heartbreak may be an experience we have, but never an address at which we live. Our address, in Jesus’ name, shall only be the presence of God. And in the presence of God, there is freedom from all bondage, including broken heart syndrome.
I invite you to stand on this promise each day! So by the grace of God, you can be a testament to a new saying, “healed people, heal people.”
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
Our hearts can be stubborn, even when we’ve obtained knowledge and our minds have understanding, our hearts can still resist.
Although our heart is deceitful, it is also very fragile.
Prayer: Holy Spirit I give you full, unrestricted access to guard my heart.
The heart on its own is wicked, without the help of the Holy Spirit. There’s no way around it. When I look back on past mistakes, it’s evident that I was led by my heart. I didn’t think the details through, I didn’t pray to receive clarity; which is why I believe that many times when we look back on the things we’ve done, our minds can’t understand how we got to that point.
Being heartbroken isn’t something to be ashamed of. We were created to have relationships with other human beings who are imperfect, flawed, sometimes irrational, selfish and broken.
In every relationship there is a risk for different levels of heartbreak.
Please be honest with yourself and with God.
He doesn’t want you to act like the pain is nonexistent. There’s no prize in claiming to be unbothered and dealing with the pain all alone. You can acknowledge the pain and still trust God. He won’t just help you through it, but He’ll also heal you through it.
We often make the mistake of letting a breakup (from a romantic or platonic relationship) define us. The pain of a breakup can sometimes leave us feeling insecure, unattractive, and unwanted. We carry these labels around and make decisions based on these false identities.
Don’t agree with the lie that, the people who left you were the best you can get or that no one will ever love you. Don’t agree with the lie that you have to pretend to be someone else, because you’re not good enough. Don’t agree with the lie that you “can’t let go.”
They’re not God.
You can let go and you will, in Jesus name.
“We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5
We go through stages of grief after a relationship ends because many things have died along with the relationship. The communication has died. All of the future plans and the role they played in your life has died. This can leave you in a state of shock and emotional confusion. While going through the stages of grief, do not allow your emotions to alter your view of God. You will learn that He is truly the only one who is consistent in His love for you.
When we look at God through the lens of heartbreak, we adopt the idea that He is against us. It is in moments of emotional turmoil that we especially need the truth of God’s Word to shine through to our lives. This is why we are encouraged through Scripture to be transformed by renewing our minds.
How do we do this?
The Word of God is the water used for washing. God Himself is the Cleanser who officiates the washing.
Our role in the process is quite simple. We come to the Lord with hearts of surrender, acknowledging our inability to heal ourselves.
Letting go is painful because it causes you to step into the unknown again, leaving behind what was familiar and comfortable. Everyday you will have to resist the temptation to invest in a dead relationship.
Your actions have to match what you profess. So if you say, you want to let go and be free from a broken heart, then please don’t spend hours reading old texts and stalking their IG story.
You may not know what lies ahead but your future is God’s history, He’s already been there.
Give God all of the time and commitment that you devoted to the people who walked away from you. Use this time to build and strengthen the only relationship that doesn’t have an expiration date.
Yes, even though God is glorified in marriage, it has an expiration date. There will be no marriages in heaven.
So family, trust in the Lord to take what currently looks like a mess and turn it into a divinely orchestrated story that will encourage others to truly seek God and allow Him to be their Healer.
“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”